If we have experienced any loss throughout the year, this time of year makes it feel like the loss comes back more intensely.  Thinking about the past holidays we spent with the loved one, the things they have missed since they have passed the many traditions that will seem different now with their loss and so on.  Everyone grieves at their own pace, so don’t let anyone tell you “you should be over it by now.”  Also keep in mind the first year of grief is the hardest part and as time goes by, it will get easier.

Financial stressors can also be related to this time of year, where we feel obligated to buy everyone a certain amount of presents or presents with the same monetary value.  Certain families draw names out of a hat so one person is only buying a gift for one individual instead of everyone buying for everyone.   There is no harm in telling family you just cannot do that this year.  There is no point in stressing yourself out financially buying gifts for others when that is at the cost of being able to pay your bills or having food in the home.  The Holidays were meant to be a giving time of year and it doesn’t necessarily have to do with gifts, it can also be giving of emotion and time.  Spend time with your loved ones, that will go the extra mile than the gift or gifts you buy them.

For others, it will be stressful because it is colder, not as much sun, lots of snow, stuck in the house because of the temperature/weather; and we fall into a seasonal depression during this time. The above mentioned does not help the seasonal depression any, rather makes it worse.  If you know that you experience seasonal depression, take a few minutes to make a list of things you can do to help you feel better.

Self-care is always important.  Some people say I cannot focus on myself because I have to be there for my family.  I understand that completely, but self-care does not equate to selfishness.  Self-care means you take the time for yourself a few minutes a day or once a week, to do something that makes you feel better.  I always use the example of a water pitcher in my sessions, where we are the pitcher and when we take care of others and their needs we are pouring from the pitcher, but what happens when the pitcher becomes empty?  Instead of taking a few minutes to fill up the pitcher for ourselves, we tend to keep pouring, waiting for that last drop or two to come out.  If you have something in your pitcher then that will allow you to give to others, but if you don’t it will make it much more difficult to take care of the loved ones around you.  If you are not okay emotionally, physically, and mentally, then how are you going to be there to take care of your loved ones?

This holiday season and winter of 2014-2015, take a few minutes to be nice to yourself.  If you are struggling with any of the above problems or need help getting through your trying moments, please call a HealthNet location near you to make an appointment with a Behavioral Health Therapist.

Post by Bhumi Bhavsar

I have had parents tell me their concerns for their children, and when they are recommended to take their child/ren to the hospital, they hesitate.  Some say it is because the child wants attention, but every threat for suicide should be taken seriously by family and friends! Let the professionals intervene and help your family or loved ones. Some parents say they can’t take their children to the hospital because they would miss school. Other people say they can’t go to the hospital because they would miss work. These common concerns don’t recognize the severity of the situation. School and work attendance will mean nothing if a family member or loved one chooses to follow-through with suicide.

Kids in middle school and high school talk about suicide so frequently now that it is scary.  I have had people who share that their friends tell them they are suicidal but don’t share it with an adult.  That is a huge burden for that child to carry around, as they in turn feel they are responsible for the safety of their friend.  Parents, if you hear your child talking about a friend having suicidal thoughts, please make sure your child knows he/she is not responsible for that friend and cannot keep such a secret from that friend’s parent/guardian/school counselor/teacher. Let’s allow our children to be children and not give them such responsibilities.

Here are some warning signs to look for when it comes to suicide:

• Threatening to hurt or kill oneself or talking about wanting to hurt or kill oneself.
• Looking for ways to kill oneself by seeking access to firearms, pills, or other means.
• Talking or writing about death, dying or suicide when these actions are out of the ordinary for the person.
• Feeling hopeless.
• Feeling rage or uncontrolled anger or seeking revenge.
• Acting reckless or engaging in risky activities—seemingly without thinking.
• Feeling trapped – like there’s no way out.
• Increasing drug or alcohol use.
• Withdrawing from friends, family, & society.
• Feeling anxious, agitated, or unable to sleep or sleeping all the time.
• Experiencing dramatic mood changes.
• Seeing no reason for living or having no sense of purpose in life.
• Increase or decrease in appetite.
• Giving away of personal items of value.

If you or someone you know is experiencing any of the above symptoms or signs, please call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or call your nearest Health Center or doctor.

Don’t let another day go by without getting help for you or loved one. 

Post by Bhumi Bhavsar, Behavioral Health

Kids are just the most adorable and naive little people!! 

We as adults  see them as just that and tend to forget that they are also so in tune to what is going on around them.  So, lets all take a minute to give credit to kids all around the world.  We have all heard the amazing stories on TV, newspapers, talk shows, etc, on how various children, of various ages, have done extravagant things to help save another’s life.  There is an old wives tale “it takes a village to raise a kid.”  I completely see a lot of value in that, especially in our present day.

Look around you, what do you see in the world today?

Crime rates increasing, violence, abuse, neglect, bullying, youth suicide rates increasing, etc.  Is such an environment safe to raise our most naive, precious, and sponge like gems?  I don’t think so.  So you ask, “What can I do?”  Well, there is a lot that one can do.  Kids really are just kids, and rely on an adult to tell them and show them what is wrong and what is right, what is appropriate and what is not, what is respect versus disrespect, and the list goes on.  The unfortunate part, which I see on a daily basis, however,  is that our society, including parents, family members, teachers, principals, school administrators, etc are going through a shift.  For whatever the reason, they seem to not be aware of the dilemmas and tragedies that kids experience at their age.  I hear comments such as “oh, he is a kid, what does he know about stress” or “he should not be depressed, he has no worries,”  but what we fail to understand is that kids soak up the emotional stressors that are present in their homes, which is causing them to react in such a manner.

Let’s take a simple example of bullying, which is such a big topic of discussion when it comes to school performance.  Did you know that there is a link between bullying and depression?  This applies to the bully and the victim.  Did you know that people who are bullied as children grow up to suffer from depression more so than people who were not bullied?

Did you know that any sort of change that occurs in a child’s life has an affect on them emotionally, mentally, and developmentally?  If the children around you begin to act different than their normal behaviors, that is your sign that something is not quite right with them emotionally.  Talk to them; find out what’s on their mind.  Not only are children/youth like precious, sponge like gems, however they are little gardens that need to be fed and nurtured with care and love regularly.  If they do not get what they need in order to grow up to be mature, responsible, independent adults; they get derailed into the land of anger, pain, grief, frustration, resentment, etc.  Regularly I see in my office kids coming in with issues of depression, anxiety, and anger and the root cause is bullying, changes that have occurred in their life, past/current abuse or neglect.   So, if you are in a new relationship, do still take the time to spend with your kids to let them know that you care and love them as well.  Encourage your kids to keep an open line of communication with you, so that if they are hurt by someone else, they are not ashamed or scared to tell you.  Teachers, administrators, principals, when a student comes to you and tells you they are being bullied, or you see bullying taking place; please do not let it go unaddressed.  There is a lot of suffering that goes on behind closed doors when that happens.

It is our responsibility as a whole society, to make sure each and everyone of our precious gems are getting the love, care, attention, etc they need.  Please do your part in helping a child that you know, to help our future be a better place!  Please contact any of the our clinics in your area to schedule an appointment with one of our Behavioral Health Therapists if your kids have difficulty opening up to you or are engaging in behaviors out of their norm.

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